Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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