you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Send help, water and tortillas.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
