dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
