Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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