I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I didn't notice because vodka
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
