it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
