we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
