is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
