I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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