forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
