i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
