I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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