You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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