dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
