She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
