You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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