Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
