i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
