first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
