so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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