Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
