Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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