Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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