tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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