If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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