Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
