He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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