either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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