love makes seman taste better
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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