She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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