Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
