cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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