I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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