i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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