Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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