We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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