I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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