her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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