Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
