did you get engaged???
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
