got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
