I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
