I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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