i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
