She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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