her vagine was all disorganized.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
