are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Success! We fucked roommates!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
