he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My ATM looks so different sober.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
