Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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