if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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