Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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